When I was six-years-old, my brother died. He and I were walking on a frozen lake together, thinking that we were in a park, when the ice gave way. I fell in and my brother grabbed me and then he fell in too. He saved my life, but no one was able to save him. At my brother’s funeral the priest said that the good Lord needed him, so He took him. I didn’t know how to deal with so much pain. After two weeks I couldn’t handle my brother being gone so I decided to go where he was, and that means death.
So one day in my closet, filled with hatred towards God for taking my brother, I pulled a blanket up to my chest and pretended to be dead. I found a lot of joy and peace in this. But, after the second or third time that I did that, I heard a voice that mocked God. It made me feel really good to know that I wasn’t the only one that hated God. Within a short time, I heard such mocking and such hatred towards God that I just felt like whoever this was really understood me. So I just kept getting into my pretend coffin more and more.
Then one day I heard a voice say, “I love you, and I care a lot about you. God is ruthless and doesn’t care about you.” So at the age of eight, my hatred of God increased a lot. Then I started developing severe nightmares. My parents suggested I see a priest. But my spirit friend said, “I will give you words to say so don’t be afraid.” It was right. The priest did not know how to help me.
Then one day at the age of nine I went into the spirit world and had my first demonic vision. I saw myself putting an ax in my dad’s skull. But my spirit friend said, “Don’t tell anyone because if you do you will be locked up forever.” I then knew my friend was real because I could hear him crystal clear. About a year later I had several spirit friends and most of them I could see. But Raw was a spirit friend that scared other spirit friends because his name was “war” spelled backward.
By now I encountered a spirit that amazed me because he was nice and he would say I love you deeply and it’s too bad God doesn’t see any value in you. Then he said, “Can I come live inside of you?”
I said, “Yes.”
Then he started to tell me what I needed to do to end all the pain. Several times he would say, “You should just kill yourself because no one really cares about you.”
Well as time went on I started drinking a little bit here and there and that really caused my spirit-friends to be more active. By age 12 I decided to hate all people of color. It seemed fun and all my spirit-friends really liked it. See, I wanted to please them because the more I pleased them the more they would say, “We love you and care about you.” By age 15 my severe nightmares had stopped because I became friends with a spirit called Nightmare, but my other playmate spirits were more loving.
By 16 most friends of mine from school wanted to look at pornography so I just pretended to like it too but actually, I was thinking about how to kill people or myself. I considered Ted Bundy and Hitler to be very genuine men, and I knew both of them were controlled by spirits.
I was introduced to the Ouija board at age 17 and my friend said it was boring, but I heard it growl at me and this really turned me on. So I quit being into racism and I dived into occultism. By age 18 I began developing a really bad habit of taking cocaine and meth but my spirit-friends let me know that from my childhood God had been my problem and I was to hate those that followed Him.
My friend Suicide-spirit was now really starting to point out just how worthless life was and how I deserved a better life, but because I wasn’t a great athlete or very attractive he would say, “Please kill yourself because God doesn’t want you,” and “Why would you try to survive through this miserable life?”
Well as I got older I fell in love with a person I will call Angel. Angel was so patient and perfect in so many ways. As time went on I fell deeper in love with her and I was thinking about marrying her, but my cocaine, meth, and alcohol habits destroyed the relationship. When I graduated from a treatment center and heard that she was going to marry a friend of mine I told a social worker, “I am going to kill Angel.” That got me into a ton of trouble. In my mind, she was abandoning me just like my brother did.
Over time I got heavily into Satanism. I was losing my mind, and I was becoming more and more evil, so I tried to overdose 3 different times, but since that didn’t work I took some pills and drank a bottle of whiskey. I felt so condemned and unloved now because the one person I did feel the love from I had threatened to kill. I was constantly being tormented by condemnation, self-pity, and several other mental problems, so I was in and out of psychiatric wards and rehab centers.
While there I was diagnosed with many different mental illnesses. I found that really funny because my friend-spirits spoke through me and confused everybody. One day, in another ward, I heard a gentle voice say, “I love you my child please call out to me.” But after I heard that voice it seemed like all hell broke loose.
After getting out of another rehab I went to a friend for help and he took me to the wealthiest Tarot card reader in the state. This woman read Tarot cards for doctors and attorneys. But while we were in her kitchen she called my friend into the other room and said, “What in the hell are you doing? Don’t you realize the demons in him are by far more powerful than the spirits I deal with?”, and we were ordered to leave.
Because I was able to get the Ouija board to move around in so many ways I started scaring all my friends. My spirit-friend called Suicide said, “You are just as cursed as we are now. God can’t accept you; you have failed at everything in life so why are you still fighting me? Please end all this suffering now.” I was confused about why a loser would still be alive.
The spirit of Suicide said, “I love you and I care a lot about you, but God made so many mistakes about you that He is just cruel and so unloving.” So, once again, I decided it was time to take my life.
For the first time in my life, I felt so happy and I literally saw at least 5 demons that day, and they were saying that we would meet again, and to just do it.
So I went and saw my new girlfriend in the afternoon and she said, “Today is a good day to die.” So we went into her bathroom and she put her hand over mine with the razor forced on my other wrist and she pulled back really hard. I felt good knowing that I had finally slit my wrist with my girlfriend standing over me. Blood went everywhere, she was getting really excited but I think I was in shock because she pulled back again and again; pretty soon we were both covered in blood.
“You can’t stay here,” she said. “They will accuse me of murder.” So I got in my truck with blood going everywhere. But I didn’t know where to go so I went to a friend. But he said, “You can’t stay here because I am having a party here tonight and if you die that would look bad.
So I jumped back in my truck and drove around until I blacked out. I woke up an emergency room, blacked out again, and finally woke up in a psychiatric ward. I was told that I had been only 2 minutes away from bleeding to death.
When I got out I found out that my psychologist had taken his own life, but I had failed even at slitting my own wrist. So I just gave up all hope thinking, “Okay, I have no choice but to hang myself.”
I so desperately wanted to find a way to get in touch with Angel, but I knew she was now scared of me, and most of my friends saw me as a freak. I was dying because of the many medical problems because caused by drugs and alcohol. I had no food and no money for medications. Finally, I knelt down at my bed and asked God to kill me or show me some type of happiness.
Amazingly, Christ Jesus came through my ceiling and wrapped his loving arms around me and said to me, “Dear child Timothy, I have been waiting for you to cry out and ask for help. From this day forward you will no longer desire all the drugs and alcohol. You will no longer need your anti-depressants because I am going to restore you emotionally and mentally.” Then He said, “I will restore your body because you have been called to do great things for my kingdom and you will go all over telling people about my love.”
After living in several states I finally found a place that I could call home. Then, shortly after we moved to a new city, and I was greatly blessed with a good friend who became my mentor and loving spiritual father – Dr. Dean Helland. Dr Helland is a professor up at Oral Roberts University.
For 20 years I had to fight a lot on my own because I couldn’t find anyone to stand with me because my past was so evil. I ended up taking a class by a professor from Oral Roberts University called Men of Destiny. I ended up breaking all evil soul ties and getting my soul restored.
As I was going through with this class a dead woman appeared before me and said, “Will you please contact my children and my husband to let them know I am in a better place?” Well, I rejected speaking with this dead woman because I knew it was a familiar spirit. Then the spirit of Suicide came to me and for the first time in my life I stood up to him and said, “In Jesus Christ’s name I rebuke you!”
I believe everybody would benefit from that Destiny class because my prison walls, which no one could see, finally fell down, and I am walking on with Christ. My bondage that had no chains was really there, but not now. Praise God! Praise God I’m free.
If you have done something very cruel, evil, or just wrong in any way, please realize Jesus Christ can and will forgive you. Just cry out to Him and He will hear your sorrows.
Today I have a deliverance ministry and I have written 14 books including: A Psychic Discovers Jesus, Suicide Spirit, Demons Exposed, When Evil Whisper, Demons Summoned, Demonic Torture to Spiritual Freedom, Even Demons Fear His Name, Truth: Do You Really Know Jesus Christ?, Jesus Christ’s Name Breaks Every Chain, Soul Ties, What Satanists Don’t Want You to Know, Prayers of a Warrior, and Run to the Battle.
You may contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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